Sexual fantasies: how to ask your partner for their realization?

Do you and your partner have a great relationship, but sex is a bit monotonous? Do you have intriguing fantasies that you would like to fulfill?

There is no need to worry and count yourself among perverts - everyone has sexual fantasies. But you do not dare to ask your partner to realize them.

So how can you help things move forward and make your sexual relationship richer and more interesting?

To begin with, you need to find out how your partner perceives your current relationship. It often happens that both partners want to realize similar fantasies with each other, but neither one dares to declare them, fearing ridicule or, worse, accusations of perversion. Naturally, both suffer.

But both of you will be happy if one of you takes the initiative and dares enough to talk about your sexual desires and fantasies. But you are not from the brave, and to learn about the attitude of your partner to your intimacy is necessary. Then observe and be attentive! If after sexual contact your partner, as well as you, is not too satisfied, it means that he is also bored with monotony. This means that he is quite ready to favorably accept the proposal to diversify your sex. It's just a matter of determination.

But it is quite possible that your partner is quite satisfied with the way it is. Do not despair, it does not mean that he will refuse the opportunity to make your sex a bit of novelty and spice.

It will be very difficult if the sex life of your partner is strictly regulated by some principles (for example, he is a convinced Catholic), from which he is not going to retreat.

If your sexual fantasies go against these principles, you are unlikely to be able to convince him to bring them into your sex.

However, such people are quite rare and try to inform their partner about their beliefs at the very beginning of the relationship in order to avoid any sensitive issues in the future. If you have been in a relationship for some time, and still have not learned these principles - then your partner is not among the "principled". However, it may be that there are any internal taboos associated with complexes, specific upbringing, beliefs, phobias, panic and so on. And if you notice the possibility of the presence of any taboos, you should visit a sexologist.

So, the attitude of your partner to innovations in sex you have learned: he is not against it. However, the fantasies themselves are also different. Among them there are those that will not be difficult to implement, and there are those that can make your vis-a-vis's eyes go to the forehead. The proposal to try a new position from the Kama Sutra will most likely be met with approval, but the proposal, for example, to invite to your bed third, can be followed by a very unpredictable reaction. Every person has a certain limit of permissible, and you should take it into account.

If your sexual fantasy goes far beyond this limit, most likely with this partner you will not be able to realize it.

But most often it happens so that the sexual fantasy of one of the partners only slightly oversteps the limit of admissibility of the other. For example, your partner will categorically refuse to have a threesome, but is almost ready to think about diversifying your sexual games with some "toy" (although he believes that extraneous objects in such a case unnecessary). You have a real chance to "push back" his limit of permissible by competent persuasion.

Where to start the conversation about sexual fantasies?

Preparation for a sensitive request should begin in advance. The partner should be psychologically prepared, set up for him to perceive your proposal as more or less natural (although he does not think so himself). For example, let's take the already mentioned fantasy to use special toys. Before you openly ask your partner to do this, you will need to discreetly convince him that there is nothing shameful in this. A good way to achieve this will be, for example, watching an allegedly unintentionally obtained by you video course on sexual pleasures, in which "quite by chance" will be a lot of information (with video illustrations, of course) about the benefits and pleasure of using sex toys. Perhaps your partner will laugh at this information, or even express his dissatisfaction, but subconsciously it will already begin to adjust to the fact that by refusing to do so, he is limiting himself.

He will not say it in words, but your task is not to convince him at once, but to sow the first seeds of doubt.

After your partner is mentally tuned in, you can already express your request openly. But for this it is necessary to choose the right time, place and environment. In no case should you force events, demanding that your wish be realized at once. To begin with, create a mood in your partner, in which he will be difficult to refuse you. For example, tell him about your fantasy during sexual foreplay. Do not expect that he will immediately answer "yes", you remember that this "yes" is almost beyond the limit of permissible. Therefore, first just talk about your fantasy. Go to the stage of its realization should be later, when he accepts your fantasies as a natural part of sex.

Now that the limit of what is permissible has shifted somewhat, and what was previously considered unacceptable or unnecessary is now accepted normally, we can begin the actual embodiment. This part should also be taken carefully. Perhaps you want to use several toys in sex, but it is better to start with one, the most harmless in the opinion of your partner.

However, for many people the problem of realizing sexual fantasies is not so much related to the stubbornness of the partner, but to the lack of courage to simply express their desires. At the mere thought of at least someone (even the most beloved) to tell about their fantasies, you are overcome by shame? In this case, the best help will be a psychologist.

Behind the shame most often hides some complex, received in childhood and does not allow you to fully enjoy life.

It is not uncommon for this complex to poison not only sexual, but also other aspects of life. It is possible to cope with it only with the help of a specialist. And therefore - do not be afraid to go to a psychologist! Sexual fantasies - it is natural and pleasant. But when they are realized - it is twice as pleasant.

❓ Frequently Asked Questions

1. Is it normal to have sexual fantasies?
   Yes, sexual fantasies are a natural part of human sexuality and can help strengthen intimate relationships.
2. How do you start a conversation with your partner about your fantasies?
   Choose a quiet moment to talk, express your feelings with "I statements" and emphasize trust in your partner.
3. What should I do if my partner reacts negatively to my fantasies?
   Respect his reaction, offer to discuss boundaries, and find a compromise that takes into account the desires of both partners.
4. How do you know if your partner is ready to discuss intimate topics?
   Pay attention to his openness in talking about sex, his reaction to innuendo, and his willingness to experiment.
5. Can fantasies be realized if the partner is not interested?
   It is important to respect your partner's boundaries; if he or she is not ready, discuss alternative ways to diversify intimacy that are acceptable to both.