Psychological violence: what are the dangers and what to do?

When people talk about domestic violence, they usually mean beatings. And the advice to the victim in such a case is to leave such a partner. But psychological violence is a more subtle thing. It means that the partner "does not drink, does not beat, but does not let you live".

Psychological violence can drive the victim into a state of chronic stress and depression. There is even an article in the Criminal Code on responsibility for leading to suicide - and it is psychological violence that is most often used by perpetrators.

What is psychological violence? How to distinguish it from ordinary domestic quarrels and conflicts?

Violence of this type usually manifests itself at several levels of control - the tyrant controls the victim's behaviorbehavioral, thinking, emotional and informational levels. Behavioral control includes demanding strict reporting of time spent, especially in case of tardiness or any unforeseen incidents. The tyrant decides with whom the victim will socialize, and even more so, how much time is allotted for socializing with friends.

The victim is gradually imposed values that are favorable to the tyrant.

Very effective at breaking down personal attitudes emotional swingsIn most cases, the victim looks for reasons and thus becomes the perfect material for personality deformation. In most cases, the victim looks for reasons in themselves and thus becomes the perfect material for personality deformation.

The tyrant controls what his victim watches on TV, reads and will carefully offer the perceptual information that is needed from his point of view.

If you think a tyrant is a harsh man, you are mistaken.

Sometimes psychological violence is committed by women, sometimes by children who seek to manipulate adults, sometimes by parents... Initially, the tyrant demonstrates ardent feelings, communication quickly develops into a serious relationship. The victim will feel herself the center of the universe...

Then control is gradually introduced - in the form of jealousy (this is how control over the environment is exercised), in the form of care (for example, a man may suggest that a woman quit her job, explaining that she is able to support her family). The tyrant criticizes your friends, relatives, provoking the breakup of relationships. The tyrant may express his opinion about undesirable people or phenomena in the form of venomous ridicule or deep and sincere grief. The tyrant may ostentatiously sacrifice his or her own interests in order to cause guilt... The victim feels either worthless and useless, or the last bastard who dared to upset such a wonderful person.

Gradually the victim becomes dependent on the tyrant and is sure that without him she will be lost in this world, because she is not capable of anything.

Interestingly, tyrants tend to choose bright and strong personalities for the role of victim, breaking the will of which will make them feel stronger.

How do you tell the difference between emotional abuse and genuine caring?

Only by how you feel. Caring causes feelings of contentment and peace, emotional abuse causes feelings of guilt and hopelessness.

In public, the tyrant turns into the nicest person. The victim, if she tries to complain or consult someone, will be called an egoist who is going crazy. There is nowhere to wait for support!

So the victim looks for all sorts of problems in herself that prevent her from being happy, driving herself further into addiction.

How can one get out of this vicious cycle?

First, you need to assess the situation objectively, to look at the relationship from the outside. You should not involve your loved ones for this, they will take the side of someone from the bundle. And you need an objective assessment, what is going on - psychological violence or a family crisis? Therefore, consult a psychologist.

Let's say a psychologist confirms that a partner is committing psychological abuse.

You yourself can not influence the tyrant, you for him - not the subject of the relationship, but the object of manipulation. He can only listen to the opinion of an outsider.

Again, a family psychologist or psychotherapist can make adjustments to the relationship model in order to change the relationship with the tyrant. But the changes should be desired by both people in the bundle, and the tyrant, as a rule, everything suits.

Finding an influential person to help solve the problem among friends or relatives is usually unrealistically difficult.

That leaves the only way out is to end the relationship.

And the sooner the better, as your will is weakening with each passing day and your psyche is undergoing more and more changes.

Realize that the guilt and discomfort is externally imposed, your partner is just asserting himself at your expense.. And it's not really the victim that's the problem, it's the tyrant!

Getting away from a tyrant is very difficult. He is ready to do a lot not to lose his favorite toy.

He will become soft and gentle, white and fluffy, reminding you of happy times, promising to change. But if the victim returns, soon the situation will return to normal. Try not to communicate with the tyrant - it will be very difficult to resist his promises.

So the most important thing when breaking up with such a partner is to find support.

It can be a friend, a relative or a psychologist, but this person should remind you not of happy moments, but of why you left. You need to constantly remember that after your return your relationship will be the same as before, or even worse, because the tyrant will be sure that you have returned and you will not go anywhere else from him.

Life before meeting the tyrant. What did you love?

Think back to what you were striving for? What made you feel happy?

Remember? Now go back to your true self. Your true self is waiting for you.

A good cure for the painful condition caused by prolonged communication with a tyrant is a new novel with an adequate person. But yesterday's victim, as a rule, normal partners are not attracted, you need some time to pass.

I also recommend talking to an experienced psychologist before starting a new relationship. First, the psychologist will help you get out of depression and deal with the imposed attitudes. Secondly, he will analyze the situation and explain why you became a victim of psychological abuse and explain, how to avoid it in the future.

Remember: you deserve happiness simply because every person on the planet deserves it! And it is the feeling of happiness, not external manifestations of care and tenderness, that you should measure in the future the prospect of relationships with other people.

📌 Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

1. What is psychological abuse and how to recognize it?
   Psychological abuse is a form of emotional pressure in which one person seeks to control another through humiliation, manipulation, isolation and suppression of will. Signs may include constant criticism, instilling guilt, restricting communication with loved ones, and controlling behavior.
2. What are the dangers of psychological abuse?
   Psychological abuse can lead to low self-esteem, depression, anxiety disorders and even post-traumatic stress disorder. The victim may lose a sense of self worth and a sense of reality.
3. How do you distinguish between caring and emotional abuse?
   Caring evokes feelings of support and security, whereas emotional abuse leads to feelings of guilt, fear and helplessness. If a partner's actions cause anxiety and a sense of control, this can be a sign of abuse.
4. What steps should you take if you suspect psychological abuse?
   It is important to recognize the problem and seek support from trusted individuals or professionals. Setting personal boundaries and seeking professional help can help you get out of a toxic relationship.
5. Can psychological abuse escalate into physical abuse?
   Yes, in some cases psychological abuse can escalate and lead to physical abuse. Early recognition and intervention can prevent the situation from getting worse.