About sex! Psychologist's advice for teenagers and their parents.

What associations do you have when you hear the phrase "teen sex"?

I'm sure the first thing you think about is the horrible consequences of an early unwanted pregnancy or the burning shame of a sexually transmitted disease. These are exactly the scenarios that frighten many parents. No doubt you have thought about them too.
But you probably don't quite understand how you can keep your almost adult child safe from such horrors. You're not alone in your doubts. So, how do you prepare your growing child for the ups and downs of sexuality?

In our society, unfortunately, teenage sex is still a taboo topic. Many people believe that in order to avoid the above tragedies it is necessary to strictly control their children, categorically forbidding them anything beyond a kiss on the bench. Acting in this way, parents make a serious mistake. Adolescence is the time when parental prohibitions cease to frighten and become useless.

So remember: yours Prohibitions won't help!

Your lust for control will only exacerbate the situation by forcing your teenager to lead a double life: one that is "right" for his or her parents and one that is "interesting" for him or her. This means that if your son or daughter has intimate problems, you will be the last to know, often when the consequences are irreversible.

Another, equally serious mistake is to let things go.

For parents who do this, in many cases it is difficult to have a conversation about sex with their child. Some were brought up in the old, Soviet traditions, where there was no sex, others can not decide to have such a conversation out of shame, others believe that such conversations will only worsen the situation and focus the attention of the child on the "bad" topic. As a result, the child learns about "intimate" issues from random people. This is fraught with serious consequences: mental trauma (the teenager may, for example, be ridiculed), mistakes due to misinformation (it is unlikely that the person who initiated your child into the subtleties of sexual relations, is a doctor).

So, strict control is not the answer, and you don't want to let things go. What to do? In fact, the question of sexuality has worried and continues to worry the best minds of mankind, which means that modern science (primarily psychology) has developed quite an impressive base on this topic. In pedagogy there is a vast sphere called "sex education", and it is it that is of interest to parents in the first place. If you are educated and have a lot of free time, you can familiarize yourself with the works of outstanding teachers and psychologists on this topic. But it is much more effective to talk to a professional psychologist who will be able to choose the most appropriate methods of education for your child.

It is undoubtedly best to address a child's sex education at an early age.

In this case, it is absolutely correct and logical if for a girl the example in this regard will be the mother, and for a boy - the father.

But where to start?

You don't tell a five-year-old about sexually transmitted diseases!

From the earliest childhood, the child must learn who he is: a boy in the future will become a man - a protector, a father, a provider; a girl will turn into a woman and one day become a mother, a keeper of home comfort. It is extremely important to educate the child adequate attitude to the opposite sex (for example, a boy should know that girls should not be beaten), later on this will be based on his own relationship with the opposite sex. It is especially important to teach the child to respect and care for others.

There's a childhood question that stumps any parent: "how did I come to be?"

To lie to him with the banal "the stork brought it" or "they found it in the cabbage" means to lose the child's trust in the future. After this in adolescence, he is unlikely to listen to you. Therefore, it is better to answer the truth (especially since now there are many materials on how to present such information to a young child).

Later, when the teenage crisis approaches, you should explain to your child what will happen to him or her. Children are frightened by the changes happening to their bodies at 11-13 years old. During this period, the "participation" of random people is especially undesirable, all information should be given to the child by parents or specialists (doctors, psychologists, teachers). At this age it is already possible to talk directly with the teenager about sex and its consequences.

Unfortunately, many parents' conversations about sex are short: "if you bring it in your hem, I'll kill you", "don't get any diseases", "he (she) is not right for you". Others are more verbose, but their conversations are designed to frighten the teenager with the terrible consequences of abortion and disease. Undoubtedly, the teenager must know how irresponsible sexual relations can end, but it is impossible to intimidate. After all, sex is just the beginning for him, it will accompany a person for a long period of life, and such "scary stories" can make a negative imprint on all these years and even become the cause of sexual dysfunction.

During this period, it is critical to convey to the adolescent that the the most important part of a sexual relationship is love..

This is the basis on which a grown-up boy or girl will build intimate relationships and family, the basis on which knowledge about the delights of sex and how to avoid its tragic consequences will be applied.

You may say, "Knowledge is no guarantee he won't make mistakes, I'm his age..." You'd be right. Knowledge is not enough to completely prevent the dangers of sex. Like everything that is done for the first time, the first sexual experience is not without mistakes. But their fatality depends directly on the quality of the knowledge and education your child has received from you.

❓ Frequently Asked Questions

1. Why is it important to talk to teens about sex?
   Open discussion of sexual topics helps teens develop healthy attitudes about sexuality, make informed decisions, and reduce the risk of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
2. How do you start a conversation about sex with your child?
   Start with simple and straightforward questions that are age-appropriate. Use everyday situations for discussion and be prepared to answer questions honestly and without judgment.
3. At what age should sex education begin?
   Sexuality education starts at an early age, when the child becomes aware of his or her body. As the child grows older, information should be tailored to the child's developmental level and interests.
4. How do you respond to a child's questions about sex?
   Answer calmly and honestly, using correct terms. Avoid embarrassment or punishment for showing interest, so as not to cause shame or fear in the child.
5. What should you do if your teenager gets information about sex from the Internet or peers?
   Discuss the information with the child, clarifying what is true and what is not. Suggest reliable sources and emphasize the importance of discussing such topics with parents or professionals.