Why does the child lie and what to do?

"It's not dignified to lie!" - you say to your little tomboy or little naughty girl. But, once again, having done something wrong, the cute creature looks at you with innocent eyes and says, "It's not me.

Children learn to lie from diapers, and very early understand the benefits of lying. And you, as parents, of course, want to foster honesty in your child. Why do children lie? When lying from an innocent game turns into a disturbing habit? How to teach your child to be honest?

Let's not be sly - there is not a person on earth who has not told a lie at least once in their life.

Lying is an integral part of human relationships, and you yourself often resort to it in a difficult situation.

And now you have to teach your child to tell the truth - in this lie-soaked world. Let's face it, it's a challenge of the highest order.

What are the common causes of children's lying?

The psyche of children is different from that of adults, but the reasons for lying are essentially the same. A child lies to: avoid problems (punishment for a misdemeanor, an assignment that does not want to perform), to present himself in a more favorable light in front of peers and adults (tells that he has been to different countries, or that he has a very cool toy, which no one else has), to increase their self-esteem (exaggerating their abilities), to draw attention to themselves (feigning nausea, for example). It is also not uncommon for a child to simply have a very vivid and vivid imagination, in which incredible events and adventures happen to him or her - and strive to share the fruits of his or her "creativity" with everyone.

As we can see, we can give almost all possible reasons for lying to ourselves.

Therefore, do not set yourself an impossible goal to achieve from the child honesty in everything and always.

Even if you succeed (which is impossible without violence against the personality of a little person), it is unlikely that your offspring will have a happy life. After all, honesty is not always good (just as lying is not always bad). You want your child to report to you about his affairs without concealing anything, but it is unlikely that you will be happy when he tells you the unpleasant truth about yourself.

On the other hand, you can't leave things as they are. Lying is profitable in many ways, and therefore attractive.

If you let things go, you will form a bad habit, and then a character trait - lying.

It is not far at all from it to meanness and even to criminal acts such as fraud.

How can we determine that thin, almost invisible line between a child's protective reaction to an unpleasant situation and a habit forming deviant behavior? When to sound the alarm?

The most harmless (and even in many ways amusing) lie is the child's play.

By telling stories, the child develops imaginative thinking and may become an artist in the future. However, you should not encourage such lies, it may end up leaving the child from reality in a fictitious world in which, for example, instead of peer friends he will have fictitious fairy-tale friends-beasts. It is best to just ignore such stories, but at the same time should teach the child in different ways to show their talents: to draw, write poetry, etc. Some time will pass, and the need for tall tales in the child will disappear on its own.

Much more careful attention should be paid to lying as a defensive reaction to an unpleasant situation..

If the child only occasionally lies to avoid trouble or to assert himself - there is no cause for concern (most likely, you yourself in a similar situation would not resist lying). You should sound the alarm when the lies sound regularly. The child lies to you that he did not have anything at school for homework, and then lies to the teacher that yesterday he was bad, and he could not do his homework. When the lie is revealed, rarely parents and teachers think about the reasons that gave rise to the need to lie. More often than not, the child is simply punished with the threat that next time it will be worse. This is a vicious circle, because such a threat only encourages to lie and twist even more, forming that very bad habit. This can only be stopped by undertaking serious work on the causes of children's lies.

Fear and mistrust is one of the causes of child lying

Why does a child protect himself from adults with lies? The first and foremost reason is mistrust and fear.

The child feels like a servile being, and in order to protect himself from the "slave masters", he lies. The second possible defense reaction of the child to such an environment is illness (that's how it is!). Therefore, this behavior should be taken very seriously, because the child needs professional psychological help. But not only he or she - the whole family should undergo a course of psychotherapy and, if possible, correct the mistakes made.

But fortunately, fortunately, it does not come to that. However, the question of how to bring up an honest person is acute. How to be? The basis for the truth becomes warm and trusting, comfortable relationships in the family. When a child trusts you, he has no reason to lie.

It is necessary to instill from the earliest childhood that all good relationships (love, friendship) are built on mutual trust.

On the other hand, you need to instill in your child the realization that the punishment for the unpleasant truth is always less than the punishment for a lie that has surfaced. For example, you can agree with your child that you will never use certain types of serious punishments if he or she confesses to a misdemeanor. However, once you have agreed, you will have to be sure to honor the terms of your contract! In general, the ability to negotiate and compromise is a very effective alternative to lying.

❓ Frequently Asked Questions

1. Why do kids start lying?
   Children may lie for a variety of reasons: to avoid punishment, to get what they want, to get attention, or to protect personal boundaries. Sometimes lying is related to the desire to assert oneself or to avoid disappointing parents.
2. How do you distinguish between fantasies and conscious lies?
   Fantasies are expressions of imagination not intended to deceive. Conscious lies are intended to mislead. It is important to observe the context and the child's motives to understand the difference.
3. How do you react if a child has lied?
   Stay calm and avoid punishment. Discuss the situation with the child, find out the reasons for lying and explain the importance of honesty. Maintain a trusting relationship so that the child is not afraid to tell the truth.
4. Can parental behavior provoke lying in a child?
   Yes, being overly strict, inconsistent, or lacking trust can encourage a child to start lying to avoid negative consequences or to maintain personal space.
5. When is it a good idea to see a specialist?
   If lying becomes systematic and affects the child's behavior and relationships, it is recommended to consult a child psychologist to identify and address the underlying causes of such behavior.