Oh this three year old crisis...

The little angel, who pleased his mother yesterday, today suddenly turned into an obnoxious devil? Hugs and smiles have been replaced by caprices and stubbornness? For the first time sounded insistent "I'll do it myself"?

This means that your baby (or baby girl) is learning the first age crisis in his childhood life. It is so called - the crisis of three years.But do not think that the problems will begin exactly on the third day of the child's birth, the time of this complex, but very interesting period comes when the personality of a small person overcomes a new stage - self-consciousness. This stage comes most often at the age of about three years.

How can parents prepare for a crisis?

Dad and mom's anxiety is understandable: they're facing a difficult task - raise a decent human being. The crisis of three years becomes the first test in this responsible business. Until the age of three, the child develops completely relying on parents, now his little personality is trying to declare himself: I am, and I must be reckoned with! For the first time a child makes and defends independent decisions at this age. Parental love and strictness passes the strictest test: a little loosened - and the little tyrant climbed on the neck, a little overdone - strangled in the rudiments of one of the qualities of personality. Education of the child during the crisis of three years is like walking on a thin knife blade. It is not surprising that many families in this period need the advice of a child and family psychologist.

A child's nascent self-awareness requires manifestation.

Three years old is the age of first independent decisions and actions.

It is also the first stage when a child feels the need to protect his tiny independence. This is where the roots of children's stubbornness and demanding behavior grow.

How should parents behave?

Unfortunately, there is no recipe for this case, each situation requires its own solution. But the most important thing is that from now on, your child will require you to explain why this is allowed and that is not allowed.

Of course, you should not go along with your child in everything, allowing him to do whatever he wants. This is not the way to bring up a strong personality. At the same time, you can not and "screw the screws", total suppression of children's disobedience, otherwise you risk destroying the desire for independence. Undoubtedly, in some moments will have to show strength and use parental authority, and in some - to agree with the decision of the child. The most difficult question is how to distinguish one from the other?

There are two fundamental types of subordination.

• One can be described as: here's a list of things you can't do, the rest is your responsibility.
• The second sounds like this: there is a list of things you can do, everything else is punishable.

The difference between the two is enormous, but often, all too often in parenting, these principles are confused and substituted for each other.

The first principle sets a number of prohibitions, but gives freedom in everything that is not included in them. This is the ideal for raising a three-year-old.

Parents should think about (or, better yet, write down) a list of possible child desires that should be refused. This list should include actions:

• endangering the life of the child and others (climbing on the roof of the house, demanding candy for allergies, etc.)
• Going against the norms of society (being rude to elders, hurting other children)
• considered categorically unacceptable in the process of upbringing (eating in front of the TV, leaving behind scattered toys)

At the same time, it should be understood: even if a child's desire is not on this "black list", it does not mean that it should automatically be satisfied.

However, by denying the child, mom or dad should explain why the decision was made in the first place..

You can even include the child in the decision-making process by explaining the situation and asking what he or she thinks about it. This approach fosters both a responsible attitude and high self-esteem in a three-year-old.

At the same time, this rational approach is not always applicable. Often when a three-year-old hears the word "no" to his demand or request, he becomes hysterical. Such a child is sympathetic, but you should not immediately rush to comfort him:

overwhelmingly tantrums are a means of manipulating adults.

Many parents have felt the full force of this manipulation, some have even given up. Indeed, when a child is crying and stomping his feet, rational arguments are useless. It is especially difficult when the child makes a concert in a public place (most often in a store).

How to deal with a three year old's temper tantrums?

The first step is always the same. to stop a child's tantrum.

No, you shouldn't fulfill a whim - that would be his victory.

The first thing to do is to get as far away from the object of your child's desire as possible. This will both confirm your "no" and allow you to change the situation to a more appropriate one (for example, take the child out of the store). Act firmly but calmly. Nervous behavior and raised tone of voice will only intensify the tantrum. Once in "their" territory, you can try to shift the child's attention to something else. For example, leaving the store in the yard, put the child on a swing and ride. Engrossed in a new activity, the child will quickly forget about his caprice, and about the recent desire.

Despite the fact that for most children tantrums are a mundane matter, parents still need to keep a close eye on how this unpleasant phenomenon plays out.

If children's tantrums become too frequent, uncontrollable, the child hurts himself (for example, hitting his head against something hard), or he begins to have shortness of breath, seizures - you should immediately contact a specialist! Such conditions indicate pathological processes in the nervous system of the baby.

Three years is an amazing age. For the first time, you will know what it is like when your baby insists on your decision. And at the same time, this is the first time you will be able to have a real, adult dialog with your child.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) ❓

1. At what age does the 3 year old crisis begin?
   The crisis usually manifests itself at the age of 2.5-4 years. Its duration is individualized - from a few months to a year. The main thing is that it is not a pathology, but an important stage of personality development.
2. What are the main signs of a 3 year old crisis?
   The main symptoms are negativism ("no" to all suggestions), stubbornness, stubbornness (protest against habitual rules), willfulness ("I'll do it myself!"), despotism (demanding obedience).
3. What is the right way to respond to a three year old's tantrums?
   Stay calm, don't indulge in tantrums, but don't punish emotions either. After a tantrum, hug the child and talk through his feelings: 'You were angry because...'
4. What to do if a child at age 3 has become aggressive?
   Stop aggression physically (hug), set boundaries: 'hitting others is not allowed'. Offer a safe outlet for emotions: 'You can stamp your feet/ tear up the paper'.
5. How do you support autonomy without permissiveness?
   Provide choices ("Will you wear the red or blue shirt?"), replace prohibitions with rules ("We hold hands on the road"), and encourage initiative within safe limits.