Stepfather or new dad in the family. How not to become an enemy to your own child.

Here, it seems, at last you have met a man who can become your second half, with whom you can find harmony and full-fledged happiness. But there is one significant "but" - how to introduce the "new dad" to the child, how to spare him from a serious psychological trauma and at the same time to keep your love? How to make sure that the future stepfather and your child do not become enemies?

The important thing is to take your time

It should not be forgotten that in the state of love everyone tends to idealize the partner, exaggerate the advantages and ignore the shortcomings. First of all, it is worth to make sure whether your relationship is really serious and have a chance for a long time, get to know each other better, to give the relationship to form and go in the right and stable direction. Agree, after all, you can not introduce your child to different men all the time and tell him that perhaps this person will live with you.

It is not necessary from the first days of acquaintance to demonstrate to the child a close relationship with the beloved, at first you can introduce him as a good friend, buddy, colleague.

The ideal condition for acquaintance can be a relaxed atmosphere - for example, during a trip to the countryside among friends, a trip to the cinema, theater, etc.

Playing games, cooking together, discussing a movie - all this will help to establish contact. At the same time, it is important not only to monitor the child's reaction to your favorite, but also how he or she treats the child and children in general.

Patience, only patience!

You should not delude yourself with hopes that the child and your man will quickly find common ground and "everything will happen by itself". It always takes time to develop a warm and trusting relationship. During this period is very important patience and understanding of adults.

Mom should realize that this person is now only for herself is the most good, desirable, loved, and for the child - it is just a stranger uncle, to which you need to get used to at first.

You should prepare your child for the upcoming changes, which are usually quite difficult for children. First of all, you need to explain to him the positive aspects of the arrival of a new family member. For example, that your man will be able to teach him something new, answer questions that you yourself have difficulty answering, buy something that the child has long dreamed of. Also try to explain to your child that you will find happiness with this man, but it will not affect your relationship with him (you will not love him less).

If your lover has no experience in communicating with children, help him yourself or seek help from a psychologist. The future husband must earn sympathy, authority and trust, let the child understand that he will take care of him, help, become a loyal friend. It is good if they will have common interests - hobbies, for example. After all, an adult can always share the child's hobbies and make them their own.

Is the new husband a father or a friend?

If the child has a father with whom he communicates, in no case should you limit this relationship in the future. Even if the new husband, in your opinion, has much more positive qualities, you should not compare them in front of the child.

Your man should not become the "new daddy" and interfere in parenting issues.

It will be enough for him to unobtrusively express his opinion in this or that situation, advice. In order to avoid conflicts, the child's father and the new husband should not be "pushed" together - it is better if the child and the father see each other on neutral territory.

If the child does not know the birth father, you should not demand (or even ask) that the child call your new husband "Daddy. Let him choose what he will call the new family member. For example, he can call him simply by his first name - this will not diminish respect for him. As time goes on, the child can express a desire to call him "daddy" if he wants to.

Between two fires

When you start living as a family, it is unlikely that you will be able to avoid conflicts. Sometimes a woman has to be literally torn between the man she loves and her own child. The main thing is to understand the cause of misunderstanding. Most often, on the part of the child it is ordinary jealousy (because before all the attention was turned only to him). But maybe the child felt pressure from the "newcomer"?

Your new husband may also subconsciously see the child as a "competitor" - at the very least, he will be a reminder that there was another man in your life who you also once loved.

In such situations, it is very important for women to find a "golden mean", because everyone is right and wrong in his or her own way. It is necessary to learn to simultaneously maintain neutrality and take on the mission of reconciliation. Each such case is different, and it is very difficult to give general advice. Sometimes radical measures can help - for example, the mother can go away for a couple of days "on a business trip" to let the child feel the full care and support of a new family member.

Bad or good stepfathers are not born. And only your hands to help your lover to become if not loving and caring father so at least respected and loved senior friend. In any case, you should not sit back, you need to look for a way out of the situation, and the right assistant in this can be a family psychologist.

❓ Frequently Asked Questions

1. What is the right way to introduce a child to a new partner?
   Introductions should be made gradually, in a relaxed environment, for example, during a vacation or a walk together. It is important to introduce the partner as a family friend, without emphasizing his or her new role right away.
2. How do you help your child accept a new family member?
   Be patient and understanding. Explain to your child that your partner will become part of the family, but that this will not affect your love and attention to him or her. Emphasize the positive aspects of the new relationship.
3. Does the new husband have to become the father to the child?
   If the child has a biological father with whom he maintains a relationship, you should not impose the role of father on the new husband. It is better for him to be a friend and mentor without replacing the birth father.
4. How to avoid conflicts between the child and stepfather?
   Do not compare the new partner to the biological father in front of the child. Maintain a neutral area for the child to interact with the father and do not limit their contact.
5. How do you prepare your child for changes in the family?
   Explain the upcoming changes to your child ahead of time, emphasizing that they will not affect your love for him or her. Keep an open mind and be prepared to answer their questions.