Childhood aggression. Causes and consequences. How will your child grow up?

It manifests itself suddenly and for no apparent reason. A calm play of children suddenly ends in tears or a fight, and the instigator cannot explain why he or she hit or bit another child.

And when bad behavior is followed by legitimate punishment, the child lashes out at the punishing parent. Sound familiar? And perhaps it is your child who has become an aggressive instigator? What to do with a little brawler, how to teach him to control himself and communicate normally with other children? What this bully will grow up? Is it really from early childhood the most terrible human vices are already manifested, which will then lead him to disaster?

Main causes of child aggression

Don't panic! While your child is young, you can make a fundamental difference.

Child aggression is not as rare as one might think. Very often an aggressive child appears in very soft parents, convinced that, for example, physical punishment in the upbringing of children is unacceptable. What should you do if your child bullies other children for no reason?

The first thing to do is to find out what caused the behavior.

An experienced child psychologist can help you with this. However, it will be useful for every parent to know for what reasons a young child may show unreasonable aggression.

For a lot of kids. aggressive behavior is a way of learning about the world.

In fact, such children do not intend to hurt others, they just don't know how to respond or draw attention to themselves in other ways. If this is the reason, parents should think hard and reconsider the relationship in the family: perhaps the child is given too little attention or to attract parents to their problem in other ways than aggression and "schooling" is not possible. Young children are very quickly assimilated proven by personal experience patterns of behavior, and if the situation is not corrected, the aggressive model can become part of the character and cause a lot of problems in later life. What to do? Of course, pay more attention to your child, communicate with him more often, and teach him other ways of learning about the world.

How to deal with child aggression?

It is important to show the child that it is possible to get attention by kind actions, and this attention will be pleasant, and aggressive behavior causes only reciprocal aggression and alienation. Sometimes a child does not understand what it is to hurt another - it is necessary to teach him compassion, regularly repeating that other living beings also feel pain, like him.

A good exercise in this would be a game "imagine yourself as someone else."

It will teach your child to put themselves in the shoes of those they hurt and thus help them develop empathy.

Differences between childhood aggression and anger?

But what do you do if a child deliberately behaves aggressively, and his goal isn't to get attention, it's to hurt.?

Such behavior is a very serious signal, the child should be immediately seen by a child psychologist! Often aggression is the child's response to something unpleasant, for example, the refusal of another child to let him play with his toy. In this case, there is a problem of uncontrolled anger. Often this behavior is facilitated by adults who demonstrate anger over nothing. Moreover, sometimes parents themselves teach the child to pour all negative emotions in aggression: perhaps you have often witnessed the scene when the child hits the corner of the bed, closet, and the mother, comforting the baby, says "Do not cry, now we will beat this bad closet. By such seemingly harmless examples, the mother, without knowing it, teaches the child to take revenge for any unpleasant emotion. A model of behavior is formed "if I feel bad, then it is necessary to make others feel bad".

What to do about children's aggression or anger?

It is necessary to teach the child to control his anger and adequately respond to unpleasant moments in life. The game "imagine yourself in the place of another" in this case is also appropriate. But first of all, it is necessary to more carefully control their own behavior, and if you could not restrain anger, and the child witnessed an unpleasant moment - explain to him that it was your weakness and in fact it is impossible to behave this way, that you have problems because of this weakness. It is also necessary to teach the child to interact constructively with peers, to negotiate and find ways to solve an unpleasant situation (for example, if another child does not give a toy, offer to exchange it for one of your own, both will benefit).

Age crisis

Aggression is often a companion to age crises.

Often three-year-olds from cute babies suddenly become real devils. Their aggression is the first attempt to protect their identity. More destructive than that. juvenile aggressionIt is caused by an excess of hormones in the blood, multiplied by the new psychological needs of the teenager. This hormonal cocktail becomes the cause of agitation and increased irritability, it is difficult for the child to control his emotions. Against this background, there is a rather violent struggle with peers for a place in the hierarchy of the society in which the adolescent communicates.

Either way, if your child is going through an age crisis, remember - they need support!

When unmotivated aggression occurs, parents' first response is often to punish! The child experiences the full force of parental power, with which dad and mom try to suppress him. If the cause of aggression is not dealt with, and only attempts to limit its manifestations, parents may face another terrible problem: autoaggression.

Autoaggression

In essence, it is the same aggression, only without being able to realize it outwardly, the child turns it on himself.

Such behavior is already pathological and becomes a serious cause for concern. A child who scratches, hits or bites himself seems to be mentally ill. To some extent it is, and in this case it is vital to consult a psychotherapist, as well as - radically change your relationship with the little aggressor.

Mental disorder

In some rather rare cases aggression is a symptom of mental illnessThis is a condition such as psychopathy or schizophrenia. In this case, serious treatment under the supervision of a child psychiatrist is necessary.

As we can see, in most cases children's aggression is correctable, and in some cases it is simply "outgrown". Children who have shown aggression rarely grow up to be angry adults. However, competent education and understanding of the causes of children's behavior play a key role in this - it is impossible to let things go.

❓ Frequently Asked Questions

1. Why do children show aggression for no apparent reason?
   Sometimes children use aggression as a way to get attention or express emotions without knowing other ways to communicate.
2. How do we distinguish between aggression as a way of learning about the world and deliberate harm?
   If a child is not aware of the consequences of their actions and does not seek to cause harm, it may be part of their learning about the world. Conscious infliction of pain requires specialist attention.
3. How do you teach your child to control anger?
   It is important to show alternative ways of expressing emotions, discuss feelings and encourage empathy, for example through "imagine yourself in the other person's shoes" games.
4. Can aggression be a consequence of family relationships?
   Yes, children often copy their parents' behavior. If there is aggression or neglect in the family, the child may display aggressive behavior.
5. When is it a good idea to see a child psychologist?
   If aggression becomes constant, is aimed at causing harm and cannot be corrected, it is necessary to contact a specialist.