"Poor" relatives. How to learn to love them?

I think you know it: you have a dinner with your relatives and, of course, you don't want to go to it. But you have to. You don't know why, though.

Why do you need to listen to Aunt Zina complain about her health once again and make a sympathetic face (and if you don't listen, she will take offense)? Why do you need to remember things of bygone days? Why participate in a conversation that you are not interested in at all? Well, why all this? After all, even if you are related by blood, you don't have to love all your relatives, do you? Do you?

If you think that the problem of relations with relatives is not so serious that you should go to a psychologist with it - you are mistaken. Any psychologist has in his arsenal several horror stories about how relatives can ruin each other's lives. Proverbs in the language became the relationship of mother-in-law and son-in-law, but more often problems arise in another tandem: mother-in-law - daughter-in-law. Sometimes one's own parents or children can poison the taste for life.

Especially acute conflicts arise between relatives living in the same house (apartment).

Common living space - common problems. But everyone has different attitudes to these problems and options for solving them, sometimes they even exclude each other. Of course, everyone is sure that only his option is the only correct one. On this ground there are scandals and quarrels, the atmosphere in the house heats up, everyone lives in a state of permanent stress. Especially harmful such conflicts are reflected in children. If you let the situation go too far, the case may end up with neurosis, character breakdown, psychosomatic disorders and even suicide. Sometimes the conflict reaches such an impasse that the whole family needs the help of a professional psychotherapist.

How do you learn how to build relationships with relatives?

There is no single and 100 percent effective recipe. However, there are several steps that will normalize relations and ease tensions.

• Step one: listen. A huge number of quarrels and conflicts between relatives arise for a banal and seemingly simple reason - misunderstanding. And it, in turn, is a consequence of the fact that the interlocutors do not want to listen to each other's point of view. Make a step towards your vis-a-vis - listen to him without interrupting. Perhaps his arguments are quite reasonable. The ability to listen is the first and main key to a constructive dialog, which should replace the clarification of relations.
• Step two: take a closer look at the people in your family. - try to put yourself in their shoes and answer the question, what is it like for them? Lack of attention, fixation on their personal problems is not the least among the causes of conflicts. Look at your "enemy" from the other side, try to imagine how he lives. Perhaps he is not an enemy at all, but just a person who needs attention, or even help? What do you know about his pain and joys? Such a look at loved ones allows you to return to the starting point of the conflict and see the whole situation from a completely different perspective. After all, most often relatives bother each other not out of spite, but because of differences in character, habits, life experience, and problems that are not visible to outsiders.
• Step three: Learn to accept your relatives for who they are.. Most of them are adults who are too late to reeducate, especially since the value of complaints and reproaches as an educational method tends to zero. Do not be annoyed, angry or offended - from such emotions most of all you will suffer. Relatives, undoubtedly, have faults, but do not you have them?

Unfortunately, in rare cases it happens that a relative deliberately goes to a conflict. As a rule, such people have a clear goal. For example - to take revenge, or to get out of the house. In this case, attempts to establish relations can fail. The only advice that can be given in such a situation is to stay away from such a relative as far as possible. But it should be remembered that resentment and anger are harmful not to your vis-a-vis, but to yourself. And therefore do not be upset - very often such an angry adamant person himself, without realizing it, needs psychotherapy, and therefore, rather worthy of sympathy than hatred.

📌 Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

1. Why can relationships with poor relatives be strained?
   Tension often arises from differences in life circumstances, expectations and perceptions. Poor relatives may feel disadvantaged or dependent, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.
2. How do you learn to listen to and understand poor relatives?
   It is important to show empathy and a genuine interest in their lives. Active listening without judgment helps to build trust and reduce tension in communication.
3. What steps will help to build relationships with poor relatives?
   Start with respectful communication, avoid criticism and comparison. Offer support without imposing, taking into account their feelings and dignity.
4. What should you do if poor relatives are constantly asking for financial help?
   Set clear boundaries and discuss ways to help that won't hurt your budget. It is important to maintain a balance between empathy and your own abilities.
5. When is it a good idea to see a marriage counselor?
   If conflicts with relatives become constant, cause stress and negatively affect your life, counseling with a professional can be helpful.